ALL MY LIFE, MY FATHER BLAMED ME

Growing up, I always felt like something was missing. There were no pictures of my mother in the house, no stories about her, nothing to suggest she had ever existed. And when I asked, my father would snap, “You don’t need to know!” So, I stopped asking. But the absence remained, a hollow space in my chest where a mother’s love should have been.

It wasn’t just the lack of stories. It was the way my father treated me. He wasn’t unkind, exactly, but he wasn’t warm either. My siblings got hugs, praise, laughter. I got silence, indifference. When I was younger, I thought maybe I just wasn’t good enough. Maybe if I tried harder, he’d look at me the way he looked at them. But no matter what I did, his eyes held nothing but a cool distance whenever they landed on me.

The turning point came at a company party my father’s firm was hosting. I was in my early twenties by then, independent but still tied to the old wounds of my childhood. I found myself chatting with one of his long-time business partners, a woman named Elaine. She was warm, engaging, the kind of person who seemed to know things others didn’t.

Then my father walked past us. Our eyes met, and instinctively, I smiled. It was a reflex—the kind of thing a son does when he sees his father. But his expression made my stomach drop. It wasn’t just indifference this time. It was something sharper, colder, more deliberate.

Elaine saw it, too. She turned to me, one eyebrow raised. “He hasn’t told you why he hates you, has he?”

I laughed, but it came out forced. “Hey, my dad doesn’t hate me.”

She gave me a look—a look that said, Don’t fool yourself. “It’s weird he never told you. I mean, considering what happened.”

Something tightened in my chest. “What do you mean?”

She hesitated, then sighed. “I just assumed you knew. It all started years ago, when your mother… well, when she died.”

I stared at her, my heart hammering in my chest. “Tell me.”

Elaine sighed again, but this time it felt heavier. “Your mom died giving birth to you. Your dad never forgave you for it. He blames you.”

The words hit me like a punch to the gut. I couldn’t breathe. It was ridiculous. It wasn’t my fault. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. But the realization that my father had spent my entire life punishing me for something I had no control over made my vision blur.

I stumbled away from the conversation, barely processing my surroundings. The party felt suffocating, the voices and laughter suddenly too loud. I needed air. I needed answers.

That night, I confronted my father. He was sitting in his study, nursing a glass of whiskey. He didn’t even look up when I entered.

“You blamed me,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper. “All these years. You blamed me for Mom.”

His fingers tightened around the glass. “Who told you that?”

“It’s true, isn’t it?” My voice cracked. “You hate me because she died giving birth to me.”

He finally looked up, and for the first time in my life, I saw something in his eyes other than indifference. It wasn’t hatred. It wasn’t even anger. It was pain. Deep, unhealed pain.

“I don’t hate you,” he said, his voice hoarse. “But every time I looked at you, I saw her. And it hurt. It hurt so much.”

“So, you punished me for existing?” I shot back, anger and heartbreak mixing into something ugly in my chest. “You never even gave me a chance!”

He ran a hand down his face, looking older than I had ever seen him. “I was young, and I was broken. I didn’t know how to deal with losing her. Every time I looked at you, I saw the day she died. And I resented that. I know it wasn’t your fault, but knowing it and feeling it are two different things.”

I wanted to scream, to tell him how much he had hurt me. How I had spent my entire life trying to earn a love that was always out of reach. But as I stood there, watching this man who had always seemed so cold, so unreachable, I saw something else. Regret.

“I can’t change the past,” he said, voice barely above a whisper. “But I’m sorry. For all of it.”

It wasn’t enough. It would never be enough. But maybe it was a start.

That night, I walked out of his study, feeling lighter and heavier all at once. I would never get back the years I had lost. But I could choose what came next. And for the first time in my life, I felt like I had a choice.

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This story was inspired by real stories and events. Names and places have been changed for privacy reasons.