My husband, Owen, and I had a baby boy last week. I had a natural birth, and my husband was with me throughout the whole process.
I screamed A LOT, and each time I did, he whispered, “Can you stop screaming? You’re really EMBARRASSING me!” He repeated it a few times.
I was angry at him for trying to silence me and decided to teach him a lesson about how to be a good husband at home. But when we arrived, I was taken aback by his words.
“It is a woman’s duty to endure pain with grace. My mother did it, my sister did it, and so did my grandmother. You could have at least shown some dignity instead of making a scene.”
I stared at him, my body still aching, my mind foggy from exhaustion. I thought about all the hours of labor, the pain so excruciating I could barely breathe, and here he was, telling me I should have suffered in silence? I felt something shift inside me. I wasn’t just tired; I was furious.
But instead of snapping, I nodded slowly. “You’re right, Owen. A woman should endure pain with grace.”
His chest puffed up slightly, as if he had imparted great wisdom upon me. I gave him a soft smile, hiding the storm raging inside me. If he believed in silent endurance, I would show him exactly what that looked like.
The next morning, I got up early despite the stitches, despite the soreness that made every movement feel like a battle. I didn’t ask for his help as I changed the baby’s diaper, even though my hands trembled with fatigue. I didn’t call for him when I struggled to breastfeed, tears of frustration slipping down my cheeks as my newborn fussed. I didn’t complain when he left his dirty dishes in the sink or when he tossed his clothes on the floor instead of the hamper. I simply endured.
By the third day, he started to notice. “Hey, can you make me some coffee?” he asked lazily from the couch.
I nodded, wordlessly, and made it. But I didn’t put sugar, even though I knew he liked it sweet. He took one sip and frowned. “You forgot the sugar.”
“Oh?” I said with an innocent tilt of my head. “I must have been too tired.”
He rolled his eyes. “Just add it next time.”
Later that evening, our son woke up crying. Owen nudged me. “Can you get him?”
I didn’t move immediately. “He’s your son too, Owen. You get him.”
He groaned but got up, grumbling under his breath. By the time he got back into bed, he looked as tired as I felt.
By the fifth day, he was visibly irritated. “You’ve been so quiet. It’s like you’re ignoring me.”
I simply shrugged. “I’m just trying to endure everything with grace. Isn’t that what you wanted?”
His face paled slightly. I saw the realization creeping in, but I wasn’t done yet.
That evening, I sat next to him on the couch. “Do you know what pain really is, Owen?” I asked softly. “Pain is your body tearing apart to bring a new life into this world. Pain is knowing you have to do it, no matter how much it hurts, because that’s what it means to be a mother. Pain is feeling so exhausted that even blinking feels like a chore, but you still get up because your baby needs you. And pain is doing all of that while the person who promised to love and support you tells you to suffer in silence.”
His throat bobbed as he swallowed. “I… I didn’t mean it like that.”
“But you did,” I whispered. “You did mean it like that. And you only understand now because I’m making you feel a fraction of what I went through.”
He was quiet for a long time. Then he sighed and ran a hand down his face. “I was an idiot. I thought I was being strong, but I was just being cruel. I’m so sorry.”
I wanted to believe him, but words were easy. Actions mattered more.
That night, when our baby cried, Owen got up first. He picked him up, whispering softly as he rocked him back to sleep. In the morning, he made me coffee—just the way I liked it. He did the dishes. He changed diapers. He held me when I got emotional for no reason. He learned.
A week later, as I sat on the couch watching him carefully button up our son’s tiny onesie, he looked at me with genuine remorse in his eyes. “I don’t know how you did it, but I get it now. Thank you for teaching me.”
I smiled, my heart lighter than it had been in days. “Next time, just hold my hand and tell me I’m strong, okay?”
He nodded. “Next time, I’ll do better.”
And he did.
Because love isn’t about enduring pain in silence. It’s about sharing the weight, lifting each other up, and knowing that some things should never be suffered alone.
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